Most of us have heard of the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.” Being able to discern between what we can change and those things we can’t is the key to our peace of mind.

Byron Katie says that there are only three kinds of business in the world: my business, your business, and God’s business (things out of your/my control). She observes that stress comes often because we mentally insert ourselves into, ruminate on, and worry about things that are somebody else’s business.

When I think, “You need to get job,” “You need to be happy,” “You should be on time,” or “You need to fix this,” “You need to break off this relationship,” or “You should take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. Any time I think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I even know what’s right for myself? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you. If someone invites me in to their “stuff” to help, that is different. But, even then, I must humbly realize that I won’t be the one living with the outcomes of the decisions.

Whose business is it when your daughter is getting failing grades in college? Hers

Whose business is it if you are paying her tuition? Yours

Whose business is it that your son smokes? His

Whose business is it if he is buying cigarettes with the spending money you give him? Yours

Whose business is it that I’m grieving a loved who died? Mine

Whose business is it that my grief makes those around me uncomfortable? Theirs

Whose business is it where and when people die? God’s

Our stress often comes when we are trying to fix every other person or every situation and fail to ask if it is really my business to fix it or not.

Self-Test

Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else’s business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently). When you are tempted to interject, ask yourself…

1. Am I in somebody else’s business?

2. Did this person ask for my input or advice?

3. Am I willing to take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?

If you understand the three kinds of business enough to stay in your own business, it could free your life (and your mind) in ways you can’t even imagine. The next time you’re feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you’re in. That question can bring you back to yourself, your life and your business.

It doesn’t take long to realize that leadership is hard. You could quickly compile a mental list of people who make that a true statement. But, in the book True North, Bill George says, “the hardest person you will ever have to lead is yourself.” He is right.

The life we have is often the result of poor self-leadership. The greatest obstacle to experiencing the life we want is poor self-leadership. John Maxwell said “If I could kick the person who is most responsible for my problems then I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week!” The toughest person to lead is not not above me, below me nor beside me. It is me. The most important conversations I will ever have will be the ones I have with myself.

In the book, Derailed, Tim Irwin gives some great hints:

1. Grow in self-awareness by proactively seeking feedback from multiple sources.

2. Find a wise and trusted advisor to help you interpret various work experiences.

3. Be receptive to information about areas in which you are less than stellar.

4. Fine-tune your ability to connect with others.

5. Work on empathy.

6. Conduct a 360-degree feedback exercise.

7. Identify the circumstances under which you are likely to lose your composure – develop early warning systems…

8. Wait longer to say something in a meeting-write it down and test if for appropriateness before you say it.

A Challenge
Take charge of your personal disciplines, attitudes, and communications and watch the changes that occur in the world, and the people, around you.

Next Monday I will be taping radio and TV interviews about my work with grieving families. The interviews are part of the Delmarva Today program and are titled: “Bereavement, Learning to Live Again.” The interviews will air locally on Good Friday. What a great segue to Easter. Please pray that these interviews will open doors to more opportunities to serve.

Spring like no other season holds the promise of renewal. The death of a loved one is devastating. But death and loss do NOT have the final word. Seasons change, and with death, relationships change too. But in the circle of life, spring always follows winter, and new life grows even from the greatest despair and loss. That is good news.

One hundred percent of us are grievers. To live is to suffer loss. The loss may be the death of a loved one, a marriage, a career or a hundred others. These losses are devastating and disorienting. We’ve been taught how to acquire things, but have never really been taught how to respond in healthy ways when we lose them. My role in life is to help breathe life back into the brokenness that comes with grief. If you are grieving you may need a guide for the journey; someone who can point you in the right direction, answer your questions and help you move more quickly through your pain. If you are grieving, please look through the following post. If this describes you, please fill out the form at the bottom to receive your free, no strings attached, grief coaching session from a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist.

You May Need A Grief Coach When…

…you need information

…you feel drained of energy

…you feel alone in your pain

…you feel confused about what to do next

…you don’t know which actions are normal and healthy while grieving and which aren’t

…you can’t function at work

…you have deep regret and sadness

…you feel overwhelmed

…it’s difficult to see the future without your loved one

…you need to take action and feel in control of your life again

…you are protecting yourself by not expressing your feelings

…time has passed but healing has not come

…you have enshrined the person who died

…you are trying to ignore or mask the pain and “move on”

…others are pushing you to “move on”

…you feel like a victim of your loss.

If any of these describe you, please take advantage of this offer for a free coaching call. In this call one of our grief coaches will help answer important questions like “Is what I’m feeling normal or am I losing my mind?” and “What are my next steps toward healing?” Please fill out the form below and one of my staff members will call to schedule your life-giving grief coaching session. We can be your guide on this grief journey.